The Last Cries Of An Endangered Species

The most offensive smear campaign in the election cycle so far has to be the constant insinuations by Republican fearmeisters that a vote for Kerry is a vote for Bin Laden. Nevermind that Dubya's response to 9-11 was to half-ass Afghanistan, and then get the country so drunk on fear and misinformation that a lot of us willingly staggered down the Arab street with Bush and helped him start beating on the guy who tried to kill his old man, which has basically turned Iraq into the world's biggest terrorist training camp, and the stage of our greatest moral failure since the American people by and large condoned Iran Contra with their silence. Nevermind the fact that by invading a sovereign nation that never attacked us, and was less of a threat than, say, North Korea, we've won thousands of new recruits for Osama Bin Laden, who, by the way, is still running free thanks to our aforementioned half-assing in Afghanistan. Never mind the fact that Abu Ghuraib would have NEVER happened had we not been pushed into a unnecessary and groundless war with little to no actual planning for the aftermath, and we might actually have some tenuous moral high ground left to convince moderate Arabs that we didn't want to wipe them all out.

Forget all that stuff, and give yourself a full frontal lobotomy, and one thing becomes perfectly clear: KERRY LUVS OBL! It's so obvious, isn't it? Clearly Kerry's decades of public service, his two tours in Vietnam, and his families deep roots in this country were all an elaborate ruse. He hates America, can't you see that? He'll take away all our guns and give them to the French! Hell, he even LOOKS FRENCH! FRENCH I TELLS YOU! FRENCHY FRENCH FRENCHERSON! Clearly, this man, with his decades of experience serving the nation in Congress, and his two tours in Vietnam is inferior to a man who has run every company he's ever worked for into the ground, whose economic plan is warmed over Reaganomics, who thinks God talks to him, and who presided over the two biggest intelligence failures in American history.

This is the kind of tortuous logic you have to accept in order to take the unending "Kerry is Bin Laden's man" bullshit even halfway seriously. Do the Republicans think this shit really works on swing voters? I know their base is a bunch of unquestioning retards, so they're probably used to putting forth the bare minimum of effort to get them fired up ("LOOK! HOMOS TRYING TO GET MARRIED!"), but do they honestly think that this kind of baseless horseshit will appeal to anyone who's still undecided at this point?

"Well, let's see: I can see now that Iraq was a mistake, and that Bush definitely lied to get us there. The 9-11 Commission pretty much showed how inattentive he was to the threat of terrorism, and he's been a disaster for the economy. I really don't want my son to have to go to Iran or somewhere like that if he gets re-elected, and everyone in his cabinet seems to be corrupt and full of shit, and this bizarre crusade against gay marriage kind of concerns me because it's really not that important of an issue to me. On the other hand, I did see a "Kerry and Bin Laden, Sitting In A Tree" bumper sticker on somebody's pickup the other day. I'm just so conflicted!"